Transformers: Dark of the Moon (1 1/2 Stars - 4 Stars)

            At last, we've finally come to the hopeful conclusion to a dying franchise that people flock to in order to say that it was bad but it had some great visuals. Right when the Paramount logo came up, I knew that I was stuck for a very long time, and I mean a very long time that Michael Bay can afford to agonize us with. On the bright side, it seems like the Transformers franchise will finally end, but then again, there are ways in bringing back villains and meaningless plots.

            The movie starts pretty strong with the launch of Apollo 11 where there is a secret mission to the moon in which the astronauts go and investigate the wreckage of a ship. It turns out that one of the Primes is still alive and Optimus Prime revives him.

            The title itself is a joke for it sounds silly. It's sad to say that the proper title was already taken from the Pink Floyd album, “Dark Side of the Moon,” which they even reference in the movie; however, if you took "Transformers" off of the title and took away the advertisements, then no one will ever watch this movie.

            First off, Sam Witwicky is a very uninteresting character and his recession sub-plot has no say in the movie. In fact, he complains that he doesn't have a job, despite saving the world twice and getting an award from Obama. At one point he gets turned down because the workers are Republicans. As always, Sam is accompanied with his annoying screen hogging parents who find new ways in provoking my patience. Honestly, why are they still in the movie if all they are going to do is annoy Sam and disappear?

            Because the lead girl was fired, by contract, there has to be a love interest in the movie. Why? So that they can use the low angle shots to keep the audience hooked on the boring talking parts. I would stress the point that Carly Spencer's role was absolutely useless. All she did was become eye candy and a damsel in distress for reasons I don't even care about. Honestly, there is no depth in her character and it seems ludicrous that Sam would get a new girlfriend of whom we don't care about, except maybe for the fact that she British. Another insulting idea about it was the fact that she was a model with no acting experience. I have nothing against models, but the fact that she was casted because she was a model is stupid and it shows that acting is not necessarily required in these movies anymore.

            The slow motion scenes are becoming too indulgent. No one exclaims about the wow factors for there are no significant ones. After a while, it becomes so repetitively cumbersome and annoying. There is a scene where Bumblebee tackles a pillar and it's set to slow motion. There was one scene that people in the theater laughed at where Carly is standing perfectly still in a green screen like moment where explosions and fighting robots occupy the background, and yet she's standing perfectly still, all set to slow motion.

            This whole movie is set to Michael Bay’s arrogance. The action scenes are more about moments of gloating rather than substance. In fact, the money spending spree goes too far where Megatron blows up the Lincoln Memorial just so he can sit on the seat. There is the ending that takes place in Chicago. Because it’s filled with a whole lot of buildings, cars, and people.

            It was too long. The Chicago scene, although dazzling and interesting it was, the scene went too long where all they had to do was to blow up a small piece of a building. They could've done that in ten minutes, if not then at least fifteen minutes. Instead, they drag it on with pointless after pointless moments of mind numbing actions. I was impressed with the scene where Shockwave crushes and destroys a building for some of the scenes didn't involve computers.

            The characters in the movie are uninspiring and most are treated as filler. John Malkovich’s character was an interesting character that disappears out of nowhere. Ken Jeong was in there because he was Ken Jeong. Lastly, the most untouchable and respected character is reduced to ridicule in this movie. What I mean was that Optimus Prime's actions were not justified. He appears as the wise sage who narrates the story. With that being said, Optimus Prime actually makes the wrong decisions and reduces himself into doing things that only villains will only resort to. He whines and complains in this movie, and he does some cold blooded moves on certain people, even when one was trying to settle a truce. After doing so, he tries to justify his actions with a narration that encompasses the theme.

            I, at least liked the story a little more than the second movie. There was a tad bit more substance, even though they over thought themselves again like in the second movie. Why not just using a simple plot like in the first movie where both the Autobots and the Decepticons want to find a simple but powerful item like the Allspark?

            I’m officially through with insulting movies such as these. I’m through with these types of movies that spend their money for moments like blowing up the Lincoln Memorial. I also hate the fact that people do not know when to end their trek to these showings. They know they’re going to hate it and they expect nothing more from Michael Bay. Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as the second movie. At least I didn’t have the urge to leave the theater this time.